appetite off - clean the house - be merry

my thought started with 'thanks god we have oat, at least my tummy safe from gastric pains (maag in indonesian) otherwise i will eat instant noodles just like my brother did.'

around 9.30pm. i feel hungry (not starving) and if i don't eat, i'm still okay. just like what i did last night. too lazy or too sleepy for me to put food on my mouth. i know this thing isn't healthy for my body. i don't have any appetite right now. when i see my daily food i just feel so-so. the food doesn't attract me (is it the right words?), even the pretty fancy good looking food tastes so-so in my mouth. i wonder why, is it because i feel immune. i remember the first time i eat at famous dessert place that was the best tasty food i ever taste. but the last time it just so-so, not that great when the first time.

i will eat when i feel hungry. so when i lost my appetite i don't feel or don't want to eat at all. i ever done that for 3 or 5 days (i forgot). i dunno why, is it because my parents didn't provide snacks that i like. or is it because my tongue is picky, because i ever experienced the tasty food and it makes everything tasteless. now with my job, i gratefully can taste food in fancy places, but since i lost my appetite their fancy food looks so-so in my mouth.

is it because i'd rather spend money on other than food, like little silly cute things, shoes, clothes. i thought if i spend my money on food, i don't have any memory to keep it. eventually i'll forget the variation taste of that food. keeping the same taste is hard, we never know how long the food will stay tasty. it'll lost, gone eventually. see what happen on my experience with the dessert place. i don't say their taste isn't good anymore, i say the taste is not good in my mouth.

my on and off appetite usually happen at least for one or two months. especially when my duty was really hectic and i'm on deadline pressure. but this time longer than usual. my short pants ever fits or a li'l small for my body, but yesterday it was very loose.

i don't need food to make my tummy full, i just need food to make my feeling fun. (menyenangkan bukan mengenyangkan)

i ever feel that tasty with roppan panakkukang. on the hectis of 2 new stores, 2 different outside java (manado & makassar), many changes, in-out aiport till it taste like on the bus. it healed my appetite and my body.

do you know Emma on Red Band Society series? i wonder am i gonna be like her. No. my gastric pains will pop up first, it will block anorexia.

when was the last time i feel hungry anytime? maybe it was around before ramadhan fasting period in august. along that period, there are many weddings with good looking food, but none of them tasty for me. i just eat for my tummy.

Sadly, i often spend on good looking food recently just because to hang out with friends or lunch at mall because of duty calls. i remember when i was just graduated from college my mom will prepare lunch box. but now, she's getting lazy to cook, maybe because of that too, no proper food that rise up my appetite. it's so different when i was senior high, minimum every week there was fish. is it because i need good food not only for my tummy but also for my brain.

boiled broccoli, boiled snaps, stir-fry kale and spicy eggplant, that things i can eat tastily. i am bored with chicken and beef. i prefer meat from water like shrimp, squid. no fish.

oh another reason, i don't like cooking. i prefer sit in front of computer browsing anything or watching movies.

i remember when my appetite was on, i can get anything, really any food get into my mouth. i don't care if it tasty or so-so, i can swallow them all. my thought at that time, i don't get it why everytime i put many food i always getting hungry the next early morning, even i had a lot of food the other night. it seems like they're gone.

i wonder, what moment can get this on again?

okay stop blabbering. i just realized today is christmas.
be merry!! for all who celebrate it.

since early december my brother and i was left by our parents. the house is really really dusty. i must clean it for a full day. it's better to do it in the early my nothing to do holiday which is started today. usually i can get up early on weekend, because my body already get used it. today at 11am i wake up. cleaning my face and brush teeth. i was searching for small vacum cleaner which i usually used to clean my kost-an long time ago. everywhere i searched but couldn't find it. i almost give up. in my mind i should get that thing to start this cleaning. if i don't get it, my mood goes bad. thanks God i found it on the first place where the big vacum was stored.

lesson learned : 'when i search for particular thing, make sure to look deep, go behind, go down, go deeper that storage or box or whatever. usually you'll find on the places that you have been search. it's your eyes don't look that particular thing.

maybe because of that vacum, i cleaned with no bad mood. it's the first time i clean the house. Hahaha, i feel proud. my sweat all over my body. it feels i was worked out. no need gym hah.

wanna get slim or make you sweat. just clean the entire house. no money waste at gym.

before i started to clean the thing, i clean the equipment first. i just feel the thing will get cleaner if i clean the thing with clean equipment.

the 3 brooms i washed it and dry it under the sunny. mop and tea cloth (tea? i mean cloth to clean things) also get cleaned by detergent. no wonder i finish at the afternoon.

christmas. i must say merry to my friends. my candycane isn't finish yet and i forget to transfer from office computer. but thanks to long lost colourlovers, their new pattern template makes me wanna to colour the pattern just like kindergarten.
it started with open inbox mail, get notif periplus have a year-end sale. stuck and find pretty little liars for 18.000rp. next maybe they got colouring books for adults. then i think why i have to pay it if i can get it free by download the pattern and print it. one of the sites said you can get into colourlovers. whoaa i already have that account, let's visit again, let's see what's new. and i currently in love with their pattern template.

i wonder is it any christmas template. yaiyy found it, although it's hard to find the nice and easy to colour.

it started with this

it reminds me of ikea's

can't believe what those green-yellow combination can make this gorgeous look

love the color combination

too good to trash

one day at pasar seni itb

maybe the first time i heard about 'pasar seni itb' was when i was college. i always into art event and this one should be on my list.

this year i have the ability to attend. i got free time from duty, no running project just do defect project.
the only question is it really worth it?

so many thought come across, first how do i get there? i prefer take travel. i have done it and enjoy the trip. but the government suddenly announce to raise petrol fee. it makes me think twice because i will take travel two ways. by train, i'm not sure if i can survive and got the ticket. by driving car, i'm not sure my mom will let me. i'm still beginner.

then with whom do i get there? one person (adlin) is fix and she will bring along one friend that can drive matic and manual. the other two can't join. at last minute adlin's friend can't join too. i dunno why, maybe because adlin's car will get periodically service and my (family) car must be a big no. so we'll definitely take travel. another thought, how we take travel together, tangerang and bekasi is really a far away, am i gonna go to adlin or backwards or we meet in the middle. thingking about how much time i waste just to meet her makes me not wanting to get going. i sugest we take travel on our own and meet at the pool. too bad she can't or don't want travel alone. rrrRRRrrr.

when we start our trip? personally i wanna friday night, but traffic would be my rival. also i have to find dressmaker who can make a simple dress in less than 10 days around my house or my office at friday night. so it's saturday morning.
then another else pop out, at sat morning adlin can't, she got an appointment with someone that should happen two weeks ago. that appointment at noon. she said we can take travel by 3pm. i'm not sure about that, if we meet people we never know how long it will end. and i know who she will meet and it's not gonna that quick as she thought.
i don't want to be depended on her, i have to take action. and it works. i know i feel bad to her. but she said 'mager' (not wanting to go anywhere or just do nothing).

i almost give up. because of the travel fee. is it really worth it if i spend 300k just to see 'pasar' (market) at the rainy weather. also the super duper crowded people. can i really enjoy it as i hope.

i see a good signs. jengnad said it'll worth it. i got free bed (no worry about accommodation) thanks to bila. she's graduate student at itb, so her place is pretty near to the event. and the best sign is i got free ride bdg-jkt. it really save my cash. i have to attend it. i can't imagine the next event, can i attend it with solo trip, free place to sleep, no works on my mind, no other interesting event at the same time.

after that crazy thought i decide it.

installation

| man standing in the middle is the creator | mostly the others see through lens |

can you spot yourself or someone you know?

our dirty wet bottoms. blame it to the heavy rain

tiny tiles

thankies c:

we arrived around 10 am by walking. visited bila's friends booth. just got there and the heavy rain ruins any display things for about an hour. and it ruins our looks :c. i even didn't get any photos yet.

the crowded was really super duper many young people, mainly at booth area. it makes me lazy to visit the booth one by one. and their things are not interested to me. my cash was saved.

as far as we away from booth area we can breath freely and took selfie at installation.

i found several installation was not in good condition, maybe because of the heavy rain.

why it must be happen on the rainy season?

hello selasar sunaryo!

bricks + green grass + rainy days + cool weather
calm + serene + miss my grandma's house

it's a place i always curious. i thought it was really far to get there. we can take public transport called 'angkot' until 6pm. i wasn't plan to go there, it's a sudden visit, not knowing where we'll spend the afternoon. another list was checked.

i didn't bring camera charger so i don't take many click clicks. i save it for tomorrow.

playlist

after (maybe) 3 months i didn't put any song on my mobile due to its i dunno what to called it, let's say it was error, i must to put songs again to accompany me on short bandung trip. just some slow songs to keep me calm and sleepy. now i'm into jessie j, and keira in begin again also a few katy perry.

keira knightly in begin again ost
a step you can't take back
coming up roses
like a fool
lost stars
tell me if you wanna go home

jessie j
daydreamin'
i need this
it's my party
nobody's perfect
sexy lady
stand up
thunder
who you are

katy perry
by the grace of the god
double rainbow
it takes two

others
everything has changed_ taylor swift ft ed sheeran
state of grace_ taylor swift
the last time_ taylor swift ft gary lightbody of snow patrol
stay_ rihanna ft mikky ekko
say something_ a great big world ft christina aguilera
how long will i love you_ ellie gouldin
waiting for superman_ daughtry
still into you_ paramore
chocolate high_ india arie ft musiq soulchild
if you walk away_ peter cox
landed_ ben folds
love letter_ r kelly
say it all_ sondre lerche
93 million miles_ jason mraz
happy_ leona lewis
hey there delilah_ plain white t's
addicted to company_ paddy casey
again and again_ the bird and the bee
big big world_ emilia rydberg
brave_sara bareilles

for the first time, i treasured many patterns in ikea indo

lots of patterns

shine a light!

pattern on things

spotlight

standing bed

my new big sis

sit wherever

list to-do

current to-do list ASAP:
- finalize watch himym last season
- find the fix design outfit(s) for big bro's day
- make a skirt from batik for this 20th April event
- browse about the people who'll be ruled this Indonesia for the next 4 years (i hope i don't mistake this by forgetting it)
- find that red-purple plastic hairpin that I bought in matahari panakkukang or manado (sorry for my brain)
- match the artwork album for itunes
- sorted the reunion childhood photo trip
- create photo timeline
- updated the phone system (if it's available)
- facial
- make a mandiri token

currently dOOne list:
- create top (it's simple and fast and fit to my body)
- meet up and reunite with childhood friends (minus 1)
- meet up elita (soon she'll be in another country,, too bad no jojo and sopa)
- finish my reading 'tea for two'
- visit mba tami to discuss my design outfit for big bro's day
- visit dhini's flat at kalibata city

a little reunion trip to pramuka islands and its friends

3a.m -- packing

wake up. it's packing packing time. then shower time. thanks god my fever has gone away.

5a.m -- pick up

time to pick up. first stop is a place to shop anything in short time (read minimart). after i buy enough supplies for us to survive on the boat, we're ready to go to muara angke.

6.15a.m -- on the way

oh no, we're stuck. we decide to get out of car and continue by foot. luckily, muara angke is near. start to smell something fishy fishy. the stink smell only appear at first (fiuuuhh,, can't imagine how my morning nose fells like). then, we continue by taking hmmmm what's called, a motorcycle with enough 8 seats on back + 2 seats at front + 1 seat for the driver. it costs 5k per person. we arrive at the place where many people in groups carrying bags. let's called them local tourist who wants to get holiday away from the city. dhani is our connector in this trip, wherever we go, we follow him. the boat we took almost full. i dunno where should we sit. luckily, i bring 2pcs newspaper and several plastic bags that can be used to avoid our dirty pants while seating.

7.30a.m -- the journey

the boat is moving, yaiyyy. i see dolphins :o

our spot on the boat

10.25a.m -- arrive

here we cooome

wait for the guy to meet us and lead us to our sleep place. arrive at the guesthouse. welcoming with hot sweet tea and 'gorengan'. enough with 'leyeh-leyeh' moment then we change our outfit with ready to wet it.

11.30a.m -- lunch

our lunch (and breakfast) menu. squid fried with flour. mini shrimp with spicy taste :((. many kinds vegetables. watermeloooon.

12.20p.m -- on the boat again

after we pick our fin size, google, life-jacket, we're on the boat again. first we are taken to look around the sea, sky, and islands. in outside means i can blow bubbles.

01.45p.m -- meet 'elang bondol'

stop on an island where 'elang bondol' are being healed. this creature is endangered species, for some people who doesn't understand they keep it as a pet. some of them was being injured on the wings so they can't flew away. the owner makes them like in prison. while we look around, we got caught by the local authorities that said we're come without permission letter.

reminds me of maple tree (another random click click)

2.15p.m -- snorkeling

it's my first time. kind of forget how to swim, how to breathe on the water. it turns out breathing under water is really hard and heavy. plus the googles is not friendly to me. the glass view is not as clear as my everyday view. plusss my foot always cramps, can't swim freely :(duh): so i become a remora (remember some episode on the crazy ones), have to attache to something or in this case i have to attached to one of my friends (sorry pals)

3.30p.m -- laaaand :)

got a chance to get in touch with sea urchin or we called it 'bulu babi'

16.30p.m

back on the boat again. now with young coconuts.

17.25p.m

a little snorkle to visit a little sand island. long enough for me to remember what that thing called. it's like a little island that i visited at alor,ntt. among the sea, there's a little sand popping. laguna (i think that's what it called). but my big bro called it delta. i dunno which one is the right.

17.55p.m

another hop on island. now it's time to enjoy the young coconut without straw and spoon. too bad, only hop a few minutes, then back to the sea. me continue enjoy the coco on boat. it's time to go back. we are tired, sit while enjoy the sunset wind. there's no sunset :(

7.30p.m ++

wait the queue shower time. playing cards. i teach them how to play speed and seven spade. dinner's arrive. the menu is tasty. 'sayur asem'. 'ikan bandeng bakar'. 'ayam pedas'. why there's spicy food :():

around 9 or 10 p.m

they fall asleep. whattt. it's still early. i don't feel any sleepy yet. this moment we should chit chat about anything. catching up the missing years. or what i called the deep conversation. yeeahhh, but what can i do, our body is not strong as it used to be. maybe they don't get used to be one full day activity. thankfully, i am healthy, not feeling any fever at all. i was afraid, because suddenly last night i got high fever. maybe it's because i used to be to do a whole day outside activity by join college excursion on isolated area. while waiting my body feel asleep, i chit chat with fel. thankfully i could sleep not so long after that.

another day 6.30a.m

whoaaa they got up early. also my body. is it because my daily routine that makes me have to wake up at 7a.m. the schedule for today is not clear enough. dh said we can do anything what we like. but by giving that option to someone like us is really wasting time. we are whatever person. instead nothing to do, i make them get move move.

8.00a.m -- meet 'penyu'

 we're walking to some place that breeding turtles (i think the english word is wrong, what i mean is 'penyu'). kind of a long walking.

9a.m -- jump into sea

what i want is beach with clean sand. but the guide said the spot is full of people. hmmm... the spot that he means is the spot that just we walk through. i see no full people. hmmm... maybe there's a mangrove near that spot that we can't go near. now i see that this pramuka island really have small sand beach. the plus of this island is when you jump on the water even on the edge you can see clear water with many little fish swim in it. then the next thing is we jump on the water again. our foot got bite by some fish. the feeling of screaming 'a aw aaa aaww a aw' is funny though. the more i see what's inside the water the more i know and afraid that many fish around my foot.

10.am-11a.m -- journey back home

time to shower. psss this morning before we meet 'penyu' none of us take a bath. because we know we will get wet again. packing and prepare in hurry cause we afraid that we don't get the best spot on the boat. the truth is we don't want to sit outside again. because it's already sunny, our skin could be tanner. and the sun after 10 a.m is not healthy. me and ti walk firstly in hurry to catch up to get the best spot. as we saw many groups walk towards the same direction as us. the closer i get, my brain thinking, which boat should we take? we don't know. we're just followers. this is so useless to walk forward but having no information about what to do. feels like we don't have any brain huh. thankfully, the guide lead me and ti to the right boat. he was thinking the same way as i am. he afraid if i don't know which boat should we get on. between up and down, we prefer down. because in down the sun shines indirectly. and we can still feel the wind blowing too. yaiyyy we got the good spot.

2.30p.m -- lunchy

touchdown jakarta. we're got picked up by my big bro. next destination is food. i imagine we'll eat around pluit or pik, because it's near to airport. but a little references we have. plus asking my big bro, the answer is always ducking. between 'bebek yogi' or 'bebek slamet' we chose the second. it's perfect food for our hungry tummy.

5.30p.m -- see ya tik! 

time is up. tik has go back to semarang. while there's time to wait for her flight, we decide to get ice cream at a&w's. the ice easy to melt.

7p.m -- i'm hooome

job intersection

soon, i will resign from this company. i know soon. but the exact time is dunno. i exactly remember, last year, while doing lafayette project and the other 'right now' project, i wanna resign badly. but by the time goes by, in november and december works seem not really much. i remember the only thing that keeps me alive at that hectic moment was mom words,

"just keep going, keep going. then you won't realize that it's already the end of month and you get the price."

keep those in my mind with another thought to do the best i can while waiting time goes by, and look what i get now, the stop moment. i thought maybe this moment only last for a week. no, it's last for 3 months. feel so much blessed. hope it last for a long time, at least until the moslem holy day.

i know i'm gonna resign, while waiting for those moment i should find the replacement. i only search on jobstreet, if i see the big / famous company or the job is interesting or the salary seems fit in, then i submit. i don't really expect from this jobstreet, because none of the application that i submit have not response my application.

but, after a few weeks or months, i got called. they want me to send my cv and current portfolio. what i was thinking, i don't have any updated working portfolio. it needs time (actually i need to spare my time) to updated. then after a week the called, i send it. i was hope that i got next call. but almost 2 months i don't get the called. it's from ikea (furniture company).

then out of nowhere, i got another call from tempo. this time i feel blessed because i'm not submit to them. they want me to send cv and portfolio by the latest last monday. i send on tuesday, not so much to expect it. voila, i got call again, they say want to interview this thursday. they want me to bring laprop, i can feel suspicious thing. thanks god, i don't have macbook no more.

after juggling with my mind, either i go or no.
i decide to come. i thought we'll talk about the job, but it's totally wrong. 4 hours they tested me to design. thanks god i can still remember a few things about skech up. although not complete, but i'm happy with the result. based on the fact that i don't touch that thing since 1.5 years ago.

i just hope for the best. should i move or not in the next 1 or 2 months.

funny, how it's hard for me to let go my current job. is it because i'm enjoy in this stop moment?

if... i don't have any friends

this thought just happen by the effect that i'm not really like to be interact with other, especially when they let me down. why they do that to me? and strangely why i was easily to absorb it to my mind.

the routine, how my friends and i always do the same thing together, such as go home after school. they can't and i have to be alone.

maybe the starting point is when i was senior high. not got so much in touch with others, makes me have to do all the things by myself. and so far I CAN DO IT. and get used to be one.

if i can be one, why should i have many?

this is maybe the reason why people individualist. i dunno why, maybe it's because the trusting problem or many people can change easily and suddenly. one day they are hot, the next day they're cold.

if... i don't have any friends, can i live?
based on my kost experience (living away from my home and family), so far i can make it. i can buy food from other, laundry by other, cleaning by myself, transport i can browse it.

i can live like-robotic or freely. do what i want.

watch korean drama titled 'flower boy next door'. it shows how the girl can live alone.

so far, i learn myself that i am prefer to watching or as i called it observe other than do talking. it doesn't mean that i don't like socializing. still love it, but should be the right person with the same interest with me, we can click.

late night duty

to mend my guilty feeling while they work and i just watch --> i pray hoping there's no error in what they do, or if it's any error please make us find the solution.

thanks god i have an excuse to shoot shoot and click click.
i think the words has spread about my whereabouts.
first they wanna longchamp then another person wants counters.